im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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