you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
