Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
