My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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