if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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