I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
