Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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