Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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