Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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