The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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