Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
