I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
