I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
