Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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