I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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