Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I believe in your delicious
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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