if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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