I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize