i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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