kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
