Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
