guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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