sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I want a musical about memes.
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