I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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