omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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