Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
