I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
