Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
