took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's always time for handjobs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
