My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
