Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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