She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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