4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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