Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
