took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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