i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
