I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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