just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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