I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
