He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
