Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
