so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
