yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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