Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize