i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
