Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my shit smells like andre
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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