So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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