But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
