too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
