I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
