I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
