lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
