sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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