Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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