Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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