Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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