I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
