Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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