my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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