My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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