dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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