So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
