yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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