well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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