dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
