We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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