don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
